never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
