My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
