Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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