her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
