i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Congratulations! We have a period
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
