I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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