if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
