Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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