Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
