i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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