soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
