people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
