hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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