This girl is more easily done than said...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
