3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize