i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
