Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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