I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
