I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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