my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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