My liver just broke up with me...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
