I feel like abortions should bother me more
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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