Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
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Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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