im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
