Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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