Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
