You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize