I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
