I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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