He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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