Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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