the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
