butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
