Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
