i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
