we have pet lesbian snakes
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
