I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
