Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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