I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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