and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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