Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize