it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
