Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
