I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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