I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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