my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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