Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
