I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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