and you said cock pushups were impossible
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
