the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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