no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
