dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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