I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
