i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
