The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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