I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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