What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
