It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
