Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
