I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
