I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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