Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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