my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
