Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
