Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
