clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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