the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why do cheetos always look like penises
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
