I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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