I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
